"There is the mud, and there is the lotus that grows out of the mud. We need the mud in order to make the lotus," Thich Nhat Hanh.

Monday, January 5, 2009

How to Say Goodbye When I Never Said Hello

This past weekend has been really, really hard.

I began to mourn the children that I will never have.

I'm not really sure how to do this.

In our culture, when we experience loss, such as a loved one, cards and flowers are sent, a memorial is held, and friends and family come together and offer support. There is actually something to miss and mourn.

The only thing I have to show for my loss is a new scar and a pathology report. I'm the only one crying about this.

Sometimes I can't even wrap my head around mourning something/someone I never had in the first place, but at other times I am mourning the children that I will now never have.

How do I say goodbye when I never got to say hello?

3 thoughts:

  1. I'm going to need to email you something I wrote a few years back when I thought I was pregnant and then found out I wasn't... I was wondering the same thing... I still wonder... I still miss "baby that wasn't"

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  2. Oh my word.. these stories are all too familiar. I ache with you and for you. I can also understan Autoimmunelife as the same thing happed to me in regards to the docs telling me I was pregnant and I wasnt. After 18 years of endless surgeries, Lupron for hormones and meds, I finally gave in to not ever fulfilling my dream---to have my own child. I ended up having surgery last January and they did a total hysterectomy. Everything is gone and now this other fun has come--menopause. Which no one teaches us about.
    I mourn often for not having a baby. I avoid family gatherings, parks, malls and other places that have children. I am just no ready. And a pregnant woman!?? Forget about it..
    So, if you ever want to chit chat I am on facebook. FACEBOOK.com/njerome or you can send me an email to NIX_GT69@hotmail.com.
    It sure would be nice to have a convo with someone who understands me and I them.
    Take care!!

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