This past weekend has been really, really hard.
I began to mourn the children that I will never have.
I'm not really sure how to do this.
In our culture, when we experience loss, such as a loved one, cards and flowers are sent, a memorial is held, and friends and family come together and offer support. There is actually something to miss and mourn.
The only thing I have to show for my loss is a new scar and a pathology report. I'm the only one crying about this.
Sometimes I can't even wrap my head around mourning something/someone I never had in the first place, but at other times I am mourning the children that I will now never have.
How do I say goodbye when I never got to say hello?
**hugs**
ReplyDeleteI'm going to need to email you something I wrote a few years back when I thought I was pregnant and then found out I wasn't... I was wondering the same thing... I still wonder... I still miss "baby that wasn't"
ReplyDeleteOh my word.. these stories are all too familiar. I ache with you and for you. I can also understan Autoimmunelife as the same thing happed to me in regards to the docs telling me I was pregnant and I wasnt. After 18 years of endless surgeries, Lupron for hormones and meds, I finally gave in to not ever fulfilling my dream---to have my own child. I ended up having surgery last January and they did a total hysterectomy. Everything is gone and now this other fun has come--menopause. Which no one teaches us about.
ReplyDeleteI mourn often for not having a baby. I avoid family gatherings, parks, malls and other places that have children. I am just no ready. And a pregnant woman!?? Forget about it..
So, if you ever want to chit chat I am on facebook. FACEBOOK.com/njerome or you can send me an email to NIX_GT69@hotmail.com.
It sure would be nice to have a convo with someone who understands me and I them.
Take care!!