Wednesday Update

Yesterday a lot happened.

I got up and went shopping to find the Thermacare heat wrap things for "menstrual relief" because Justin2 and I wanted to go to a movie that evening. Finally found them.

Got home, had some time to kill before I could order the Tom Petty tickets, so I made a pasta salad. You should check out the recipe. It's awesome. While I was doing this, our desktop computer started having issues. I usually only go online on my netbook, and then we use the desktop for things like iTunes, pictures, and my brothers' homework. I also placed a call to my gyn for more pain killers; I was almost out of the ones the walk in clinic gave me. Why they only gave me 15 I have no idea.

I was able to buy Petty tickets. Got 14th row. For sure me and Justin bro will be going, and lol if Justin2 are still together he's going (he was "lamenting" the fact that he'd have to continue to date me for 4 more months but the the next subject was when we were gonna leave, what hotel we were gonna stay at, and if we wanted to go shopping too) .

I got the call back from my gyn's office, and the nurse said my doctor would call in the Rx, but said she didn't know what she could do for me, since my ultrasound showed everything was normal. She suggested I call the CEC (where I had my excision done March 08, and my hyst Nov 08) in case it was endo.

Choking back tears, I made the call. I don't even know who I left a message with, I just said I hadn't seen him for a while now, that I was having pain, and my local gyn is concerned it might be endo again and that I'm in terrible pain. She said she would get the message to the doctor and that he'd be in later that afternoon, so I could expect a phone call.

I walk downstairs (I always make my calls in private) and I started crying. I collapse next to my brother and he asks what's wrong and I tell him (he knows that I've been hurting and in contact with doctors, but that's been about it) and he tells me not to worry, that I'm strong and can deal with this, and I'm still sobbing and tell him no, I can't deal with this, I'm sick of calling doctors and getting no answers and I couldn't believe this was happening. He goes "Don't worry, it will be okay." I respond, "You don't know that!" "No I don't, but it will." That got me laughing and I commented on his brilliant logic and the breakdown was over.

I heard back from the CEC later. According to my doctor, the chances of my endo returning is only 1-2%. But obviously something is wrong, and I should maybe start thinking about having my left tube and ovary out. It wasn't clear on why he thought so (ugh the joys of having a nurse as the middleman) and so I have more questions for him, and also wanted to know if he wanted to see my actual ultrasound or at least the report instead of just my version of the results. He's out of the office today, but will be back tomorrow (Fri). I love this guy. The only thing bad...yeah, he's in Atlanta and I'm in snowy MN.

So nothing more I can do on the pain front now til I hear back again. I get ready for my evening out with Justin2, and head out. With a stop at the pharmacy for my pain meds, first.

I only took one pain med during the morning while I was making my pasta salad. I was having uber trouble sleeping (not being able to relax, laying there tossing and turning, sleeping but not feeling rested, and the amount of sleep I got was only a few hours a night, and I don't even remember dreaming during those times) and I believed it was because of the pain meds. So I was hoping that if the pain was bearable (ie not bringing me to tears) I could stop them for the day and I could 1)drive (I do not drive while taking them) and 2)maybe finally sleep.

Justin2 and I went to "Avatar" in 3D. He bought the tickets and I bought the nomz. It was a good movie, except for the fact that Stephen Lang played the bad guy and to me he's Stonewall Jackson in "Gods and Generals" so that sucked for me. Ok so I'm weird. Like Jeff Daniels? He's Col Joshua Chamberlain to me. Not the dude in "Dumb and Dumber." It's just wrong. These are my Civil War guys, they can't play anything else. Matthew Broderick is Col Robert Gould Shaw, not "Inspector Gadget." But yeah, the 3D was awesome. And I now want a tail more than ever.

We were too full from the popcorn so we didn't go out to eat. We went back to his place and we snuggled for a while. I had dressed normally, jeans, tshirt, and a hoodie, and by that time my jeans were getting way uncomfortable and I made a mention that I couldn't wait to get home to change into my lounge pants. He then suggested that I should just wear a dress or a skirt and yeah, I don't do that unless it's a special occasion. He then said that I should wear maternity clothes.

Yes, that's right. He suggested maternity clothes.

It was such an epic fail of a suggestion, but he was only trying to help me, so it was a win.

But I looked at him and I couldn't help laughing and go, "You want me, ME, to go shopping for clothes in the MATERNITY SECTION?" Then he had this look of "OMG did I really say that, is she going to tear off my arm and beat me with it, or is she going to cry?" But my laughter put him at ease and I told him that I appreciated the thought as he made sure that I wasn't offended, that he just wanted me to be okay.

I didn't tell him before this what my Dr at the CEC said, about the possibility of my ovary and tube being removed. His reaction? "It's not like you need them."

Such a guy.

Nah, this didn't really bother me either. He doesn't know my whole endo/adeno story, what I've been thru. Come to think of it, I probably should have asked how familiar he is with "girl parts." So I said I really didn't want to get into it because I'm not quite sure what the reasoning is behind it, but it's like well, what's really going on, is it just limited to the left side? Will it go to the right side too? Is it just scar tissue? What impact on my hormones would losing one ovary be? Am I really ready for surgery number 14? (I had previous mistyped and put 15.)

Right now I'm kinda calm about the whole thing. I'm starting to make progress with doctors. I'm getting contingency plans in order. I like having info and plans. The crying and unknowing stuff, just gets in the way. I have a therapist to go to that will help with that, as will this blog. I'm waiting til my doctors have more of an idea of what to do before I go to my therapist. Not ready to talk to her yet, but I will.

I went to bed around 10pm and slept til 1pm this afternoon. It was amazing!

So yeah, that's what's been happening around here. I'm hanging in here. I have wonderful support from Alex, Justin2, my family, and my friends, both online and IRL. I can't do this without them. They let me vent and cry, ask unanswerable questions, make me laugh, assure me that I'm not alone, and wait patiently for phone calls with me.

Oh, speaking of making me laugh. When I was at Justin2's on Tuesday, I was handiquacking along (sidenote: my name is Sonja, the duck on Peter and the Wolf is named the same (tho I think it's spelled "Sonya") so I've always been linked with ducks, my nickname is "Ducky" or variations thereof, and so when "Family Guy" did a clip on ducks that were messed up health wise, called "Handiquacks" Eli declared that was my new nickname, so now when I'm limping/waddling/moving slowly because of the pain, I refer to it as my handiquack) in the kitchen, and Justin2 was in his living room. He cues up "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." So as I'm getting food, I hear:

"BRING OUT YOUR DEAD! BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!"
"But I'm not dead yet!"
...
"Well, he will be soon, he's very ill."
"I'm getting better!"

I tell him that it wasn't funny. I don't think he believed me, cause I was laughing pretty hard.