We Have Engaged...the Endo

It's beginning to sink in that my endo is back.

I haven't had to deal with it for over two years.

I was told by one of the top doctors that I only had a 5% chance of ever dealing with it again.

Now I have a picture of it staring me in the face.

I'm beginning to get scared.  How much of the pain was scar tissue and how much was endo?  Will the return to birth control pills help the endo pain?  (And will it pleeeeeeeeease help my acne?)  How will this affect my day to day life again? 

Right now I'm still in "recover from surgery" mode.  All my focus is directed on recovering.  You know, kind of like the Borg when they're busy repairing themselves that they don't notice that the away team from the Enterprise has beamed over? 

I am going to have to face the endo soon.

I have a therapy appt set up on Weds.  I set this up before my surgery because I knew if they did find endo I would need to talk about my feelings on the subject.  I honestly thought I'd take it a lot harder than I have been, but again, I have been in recover mode. 

I'm also scared of acknowledging the endo. 

I would then have to deal with the feelings it brings up.

I still haven't come to terms with what it's done to me in the past, how the hell am I supposed to adjust to living with it again?

But right now, I'm safe waddling around with my swollen tummy, sitting with my heating pad, and resting--not allowing myself to become upset because it would be detrimental to healing at this point.

The feelings are there, and will need to be dealt with.

Soon.

Resistance is futile.