Old Enough

Do you know what I hate?

Being told I'm too young to have fibro, or endo, or to have had a hyst.

I'm old enough.

I'm old enough to feel like crap most of the time.

I'm old enough that I should be living on my own supporting myself.

I'm old enough to fight doctors and insurance companies on my own to get the care and treatment that I need.

I'm old enough to choose dishes over going out as the one activity I do for the day.

I'm old enough to have a broken heart and empty arms.

I'm old enough to know that not all dreams come true.

I'm old enough to swallow my pride and apply for health and food aid.

I'm old enough to smile to hide my pain.

I'm old enough to know it's okay to cry.

I'm old enough to know what "no cure" means.

I'm old enough to reach out for support.

I'm old enough to ask for help even when I don't want to.

I'm old enough to realize that some things just aren't worth the energy and to let them go.

I'm old enough to know that shit happens.

I'm old enough to see the pain in my parents' eyes when they know how much pain I'm in.

I'm old enough to hide my feelings and old enough to know better.

I'm old enough to end it all but old enough that I won't.

I'm old enough to look at old photos of myself before my illnesses and feel the tears welling in my eyes.

I'm old enough to cover up my pain with humor and sarcasm.

I'm old enough to know that hiding under the covers won't fix anything, tho I still try.

I'm old enough to accept that there are some things that I cannot control.

I'm old enough to realize that all things are in constant change.

I'm old enough to be polite when someone tries to say something supportive but fails miserably.

I'm old enough to see friends from high school become successful and raise children.

I'm old enough to realize that I will never be "normal."

I'm old enough to be okay with who I am, even though I'm not.

I'm old enough to try and fail, only to try again.

I'm old enough to listen to my body even if I don't want to hear it.

I'm old enough to be so tired.

I'm old enough to wonder...what happened?