Observations at a Funeral

My grandma's memorial and funeral were really nice.

At the memorial, I was able to meet friends of my grandma's that I had never met before.  Including a former professor of humanities, who also started the Women's Studies at the college my brother graduated from.  She and I talked for quite a while, about the war on women, how writing things helps during difficult times, and how to feel useful.  It was awesome.

The funeral itself was really nice.  A simple Lutheran funeral.  I was able to meet some family that until now I had only "met" on Facebook.  My extended family was also able to meet Tabrez.  My aunt/godmother Sharon said she was so glad to see me so happy with him.

My grandma was cremated, and her ashes are to be put on her husband's grave, her daughter Glenda's grave, her son Bob's grave, and then eventually my dad's and Sharon's.   Well dad will be cremated.

The next couple of nights I spent digging through boxes of old photos that we have in the basement.

It really got me thinking about family.

And my infertility.

Chances are I won't have kids.  When I die, there won't be flowers with the "mom" ribbon attached.  Tho Tabrez did say that he would find one that said "cat mom."  Women tend to live long in our family so chances are I'd outlive any husband.  So my brothers will have to go thru my stuff.

So it brought up the whole barren Sonja thing.

And it hurt.

I looked at all those old pictures, and a lot of them were of parents with kids.  Moms and dads with their kids greatly outnumbered the aunts and uncles holding nieces and nephews.  (Which of course will change if/when my brothers have kids.  I will be in tons of pictures.)

Also, looking through those pictures made me realize that the definition of "family" was a changeable concept.  Sometimes grandparents raised kids.  Sometimes kids die before their parents.  Sometimes newlyweds never had the chance to have kids.  Sometimes pets are vital parts of the family.  There were adoptions.   There were family members who drifted away and lost touch.

Family is just...weird.  But it works.  Maybe not the way you originally expect, but somehow you make it work, and it does.

I was bummed out over the whole "I can't continue the line" thing, but you know what?  Right now, my family is Alex, Tabrez, and Eli.   They live with me.  I take care of them, and they me.  We are odd.  Tabrez might hate me for not liking coffee.  Eli and I might have greeted each other yesterday with a mock sword fight.  I might have given Alex another bath today.  But there is no shortage of love and smiles in this house.  And that's what family is. 

From WeHeartIt.com

Birth Control

My Grandma Passed Away

My grandma died yesterday morning.  She was 91.  A couple weeks ago she had a stroke, which left her pretty much unable to move on her own.  She, being a stubborn old German, didn't want to keep living like that.  Yesterday she had a little breakfast and then went to take a nap and she passed away quietly and peacefully.

We are all sad but the pain and suffering is now over which is a huge comfort.

My dad and aunt have made the arrangements; memorial on Wednesday and the funeral will be on Thursday.

My grandma is preceded in death by her husband, a daughter, and a son. 

Alex's Bath Time

Health Stuff Update

Yeah I'm still here!

I've been busy with physical therapy appointments and fibro flaring.

Livin the dream.

I am now doing three different physical therapies:  my pelvic therapy, jaw physical therapy, and I started warm-water pool therapy today for my fibro.

Pelvic therapy:  It's going really well!  She had me get an exercise ball to start some stretching/strengthening things at home.  For the past few days I've had real bad pain right inside my vagina, and today she said it was a very pissed off nerve.  She worked on it for about an hour and it does feel better.  She thinks it could be just part of the healing process.  My laparotomy scar is doing a bit better, but it's stuck on my right side to stuff.  

Okay well, that was yesterday.  I had to rest mid-post and never got back to it.

Jaw therapy is now down to once a week.  It's going very very well!  My jaw will get sore from time to time (go ahead, insert your best oral sex comment here, believe me, I've heard em all.  Most of em, I came up with, lol) but it doesn't hurt.  Treatment includes ultrasound on my TMJ, then different stretching things that the PT guy does, and then I have things to do at home. 

Warm pool therapy I hope will prove just as useful.  I did different exercises yesterday and when I came home I took a two hour nap.  I'm going to try to do it twice a week, but will depend on how my body reacts.  So far today I'm a bit more flared, but it's tolerable. 

I met with my rheumy last week.  We really didn't want to increase my fibro meds since I've gained so much weight already.  So we'll try the PT and then also the pain clinic.  The pain clinic is close to finishing up a program for fibro that tackles all aspects of fibro and wellness.  Pretty excited about that.

Then also, my Pelvic PT lady says that their place has also had some good success with fibro, using a certain technique that I can't remember now.  So that's always an option. 

So that's what's going on with the health stuff. 

Tabrez is just fine, he's been doing great at work and things are working out for him all the time there so that's been wonderful!  He needs to finish up his master's thesis this semester. 

Alex is great.  Her birthday is the 25th.  I can't believe she'll be eight already!  A new thing of hers is that she likes baths.  I fill up the tub so it will cover her little paws, and then she steps around in there.  I did that to get the mud/litter that was caked on her one slushy day, and then I splashed her to see what she'd do, and then she loved it so much I had to keep putting water on her while she just purred away.  I hope to have a video up soon of it. 

I hope to keep this blog more updated; it's been tough with the fibro flares but I haven't forgotten you guys!

And I still have a giveaway to do.  Soon.