"There is the mud, and there is the lotus that grows out of the mud. We need the mud in order to make the lotus," Thich Nhat Hanh.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

My Endo Post from Facebook

This was my Facebook post tonight.  It was going to be a short status but it turned into a blog post, so it needed to go here as well.
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All this misinformation in the media about #endometriosis is bringing up so many feelings; so many memories.

Memories of...

A scared 17 year old girl in a gynecologists office for the first time wondering why she's hurting so with her period.

That 17 year old girl wondering if she really is making up the pain; wondering if she is really crazy.

The same girl struggling to finish high school.

A devastated young woman having to drop out again and again out of college because the pain was too bad and no medications could really control it.

A woman watching life go by on her couch, seeing friends and family go on to bigger and greater things whilst she is stuck with a heating pad watching "Law and Order" reruns with her cat.

A woman who is isolated and lonely as relationships fail under the weight of the disease.

A woman scarred by countless surgeries.  Scarred by rapid weight gains and losses because of medication side effects.

A woman who feels like a burden to her family because she cannot hold a steady job.

A woman who doesn't feel like a woman anymore but a gutted fish since having her reproductive organs taken out save one ovary.

An barren woman who still breaks down at the sight of kids playing baseball.

A pain free woman who still lives in fear that even though the endo was excised and the adenoymosis was removed along with her uterus, the pain may return at anytime.
A very thankful woman that has had and has amazing people in her life, loving cats past and present, understanding teachers and professors, great online support groups, the most skilled endo specialists, and something deep inside that, even though I've wanted to and have come close, hasn't allowed me to give up and stop fighting.  Thankful that #endo has not been an issue for a couple years.

#Endo has tried to ruin my life.  I have adapted.  It has left many, many scars--visable ones and invisible ones.  It has taught me a lot.  It has brought me my best friends.  It helped me meet my husband. It has devastated many parts of my life and has totally changed my life plan.  I've mostly made peace with that.

#Endometriosis has no cure.  Like all things, some treatments work for some and not others.  The best bet is early excision with specialist, which thankfully are becoming more and more available.  But no cure means NO CURE.

This was longer than I thought it would be, so if you read it all, I appreciate it.  It is a very brief glimpse into my #endo battle from 2011-now.

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